1 post tagged “annoying question”

What question do you hate being asked?

"So when are you two going to have kids?"

This is the single-most inappropriate question I think you could ask a couple.  It falls into the "Think Before You Speak" category, filed under "What Did You Expect the Answer Would Be?"

There is little more private in a couple's relationship than the decision whether or not to have children and, if so, when.  When this question is actually posed, the answer to this question is either lamely vague or a lie, point blank.  If the question was answered honestly, the following awkward scenarios arise.  See if they don't make you squirm, just a little bit.

1. The couple wants kids, but not now. By far, the easiest of all the scenarios.  You get to tell the truth and still be the hero.  "Not now," or, "Someday," and if you're feeling a little Palin-esque, throw a little knowing wink in there too.  You will be heralded for your willingness to both procreate and wait until the proper time.  Unfortunately, this is the answer that 9 out of 10 women recommend, whether it is actually the truth or not, because it is the easiest way to avoid having these other squirmy conversations.
2. The couple doesn't want kids
.  The asker's inquisitive nature about when children will eventually come on the scene implies their supposition that kids are inevitable.  To indicate otherwise leads to the inevitable "Why not?" conversation where you have to defend YOUR God-given choice or the awkward, trailing "Oh..." where the asker really has no idea how to recover.  In this situation, the child-hater (*snort*) still feels the need to lamely defend their position.  In either case, both parties find themselves wishing they were 10 miles away from each other doing something that does not pertain to children at all.
3. The couple wants kids but can't have them.  Great job, now your question has just delivered a throat punch to the asked.  It's bad enough that this woman (or her mate) can't have what they so badly desire and what has been ingrained since birth as a simple, natural role that all women will fulfill someday, but now you've just drawn a big, flashing neon arrow at the problem.  Salt-in-the-wound, twisting the dagger, it's a veritable choose-your-own-adventure for clichés.  Way to remind this person that they already feel like a failure, especially if she's a woman.  If they're nice, they'll spare you and give you the answer to #1 on this list.  If they're anything like me, they'll turn it around on you and tell you the truth.  "Oh, we want kids, but we've been trying for 5 years with no luck."  There, now don't you feel like an asshole?
4. The couple is actively trying to have kids, but doesn't want anyone to know.  Again, you get #1's answer on this one.  The couple exercises their right to privacy about their reproductive organs.  Go figure.
5. The couple is actively trying and doesn't care who knows.  In this case, you haven't actually made the person in question uncomfortable.  Way to go.  However, you need to think about how comfortable you are with the inevitable visual that ensues after the person tells you that they're "trying".  Welcome to our bedroom.  Would you like to discuss my ovulation cycle and his sperm count?  How about how many times we've had sex this last week?

So, I don't really care how entitled you feel when it comes to a person's private life.  On this subject, it's best to just let people come to you with this information.  Take it off your list of elevator questions, and stop asking your kids.  Odds are, you'll find out the answer, it just may not be on your timeline.